As the title constitutes, I will be purely writing about nothing else but my naive experience in the relationships realm. At the ripe age of five or six, maybe younger, we learn all about prince charming. Regardless if we are not able to process the whole shindig as romance, we just know he's there and that there is a princess hidden somewhere in a castle or closed up in a glass casket. Perfect relationship, right? Although closed up in a casket doesn't seem so perfect, the kiss on the other hand does. Well, when you grow up life isn't made up of woodland creatures who help you do your chores and make you a dress or godmothers who grant your wishes (not even Hogwarts). You slowly start learning about life through all sorts of life experiences and sometimes some of these suck. Unfortunately, we don't get it right the first time like Cinderella, so we have to try again several times to find our "prince charming".
So let me spread some of my well acquired knowledge to all you beautiful women and men out there in need of some useful or useless advice. You decide which is it.
This is kind of my number one rule now a days. If you met the guy a few weeks ago and have only spoken to him in person a few times but text a lot I would suggest not to walk the plank and head into a relationship right away. Surprisingly, I did this and it was kind of a mixture of things. Get to know the person a lot more than just through talking. Observe the way they behave around people. In my opinion it is so much better when you are friends with the person for some time before even dating them. Being friends with someone gives you the chance to see who the person is without there being an obligation to be nice to you because you are dating. I think that's one of the things people do when in relationships. They treat each other extremely well, which isn't bad but you don't really get to see their bad side or how they would treat you in the long run after they've become tired of being nice to you.
Don't ignore a relationship that didn't work out. Sure its over and you just want to move on, depending on where you stand, but it is really beneficial that you look back on them. I like to call this the "500 Days of Summer" mantra. If you've seen the movie then you probably know what I'm referring to, and if you haven't let me explain. (I promise I won't give away any spoilers.) In the movie, Tom recalls all the things in his "relationship" with Summer but he doesn't focus on his hate or love for her but just simply sees it with open eyes, if you must. Always learn from you failed relationships, ALWAYS! Don't ignore anything. If your former love interest did something wrong, learn from that. Also look at what you did wrong. Don't just focus on what the other person did or how they hurt you because there are two people in a relationship and each one has a bit of responsibility to whether it works or doesn't. You learn a lot about yourself and a lot about people that way. The bonus, you get to learn a lot about how people work and how to avoid repeating certain mistakes.
This is like the topic of the year. Friend zoning. That's all I have to say. If a guy/girl is interested in you and you don't like them, tell them in the nicest way possible. It sounds mean but its better to tell someone then just having them keep bugging you about it. If you don't want to hangout with them just say, "thank you but I don't want to hangout and lead you on into something that's never going to happen." That sounded kind of mean. I would just say that you just like them as a friend. Its easier and you don't have to make up excuses or lie about why you can't hangout with them. If you are the person who is getting shut down, don't pull the "friend zone" line. It is rude and it is so immature. It shows that you can't handle rejection well. You should not force someone to go out with you out of pity or guilt. It is not nice and it is the worst thing you can do.
This has got to be a big one for me because as a person who is much better at writing than speaking, I prefer someone who I can talk to about anything and not just the weather (or whales attacking their trainers). For example, I once dated a boy with two first names that was very attractive but I couldn't find a topic of interest. It was probably the age difference or just that we had nothing in common but it was complete torture. I liked looking at him. He was nice to look at, and kiss, and such but one cannot rely on just that for a relationship to work. You have to be able to talk about the dumbest and the smartest topics. I think that we learn much more about a person who has a array of interests rather than someone who has completely opposite interests from yours. It could be interesting at first but you can't pretend to be interested every time they bring up the subject. When you have the person you can hit it off with, you just know. Also, it doesn't always have to be about talking. You have to be able to sit in silence with the person you are dating and not have it be awkward. It is unbelievable torture to sit there and not know what to say. I've tasted that flavor of that Kool-Aid and I did not enjoy it. (I apologize at my attempt of trying to be clever). In other words, I've been there, done that, and it was awful.
One of the great things about being in a relationship or just liking someone is that the other person makes you happy. If you have a crappy day and you talk to them at the end of the day or you just get a text from them, it makes your day ten times better. You know the feeling you get of little butterflies fluttering around in your stomach or the excitement you get by seeing their name on your phone's screen. We all get it! And there is nothing wrong with someone making you less unhappy. It is so much nicer when you are in a good mood and you are with the person you like that likes you back. I do have to say that as much as it is good that this happens, you shouldn't base all your happiness on one person. It is the worst possible mistake you could make, and if not the worst then it is one of the worst. You need to make sure that you are happy with yourself before you are happy with anyone else. Don't depend on them making you happy because it is not going to be pretty. You might even end up looking like a psycho girlfriend or crush. Its nice to always have a bit of independence, specially when it comes to your happiness.
The card above should say something more like, "lets try dating before we rush into sex." If you are starting to think that I am a total prude because of the last sentence, let me stop you right there. I do not look down upon or object with people having sex outside of a relationship or marriage. In the end, it is whatever floats your boat. In my opinion, having sex outside of a relationship is probably not such a good idea. It is like building a friends with benefits relationship and we all know one person gets hurt. A boy may tell you that he's going to date you once you have sex and its total rubbish! He may ask you to prove him that you like/love him and that is rubbish as well. If you need to prove yourself then they aren't right for you. You shouldn't be asked to prove anything. On the other end, there is nothing wrong with having a little naughty encounter with someone you find attractive. If that is what you like then go at it. In my opinion, you should know the person you are sharing your personal space and parts with before engaging in anything. If you aren't comfortable with something, tell him/her! they will understand if they care about you. Don't rush into it though. If its your first time, its best to know that you are comfortable and in terms with what you are going to do. You must also be completely sure about the person. If its not your first time, well I have nothing really to say to you because you know what your doing or have done. In my opinion, a lot of girls and guys don't know much about sex or the opposite sex. Either way, be safe and remember, as an intelligent older nurse once told me, "No glove, no love."
If you plan to travel or follow your dreams of being an amazing musician make sure you have someone who will motivate you to get there or beyond. We always hear people putting us down on what we can or can't do and we surely need at least one person to believe in us. It may be really hard to find someone who will stick with you through the hard times but when you do, that person is one to hold on to. Very few people are there for when we need them or they are just not there in general. Finding someone who is willing to give you the support, motivation, and encouragement is worth keeping around even if they aren't your one true love. You keep relationships with friends as well, although not with the same means as if it were romantic but its always best to keep good company. If a person motivates you and supports your choices, then you should do the same in return because there is nothing better than knowing that someone cares about you.
Well, it took me quite longer than I actually expected to finish this up. It might all be common knowledge but maybe it might not, either way I hope you did enjoy my little words of wisdom.
xx
